go on.. make my day

i recently went through a phase where i was the youngest living 75 year old in existence...
hahahaha.. bet you're wondering how i did that??
see okay .. it takes years of practice and you can only eat raw eggs and drink strawberry crush while wearing yellow shorts before you are ready to perform the above-mentioned feat..
ok..ok..oh..kay! i'll stop

basically what happened was.. that i felt like i was 75 years old.. . i was tired , lethargic , disgusted with the human race , pessimistic and angry .. plus i felt like feeding my cats ( which i don't have )
.. now i am not saying that it is the prerogative of 75 year olds to feel like that.. it's just that i didn't feel vibrant , enegetic , young or even alive for that matter.
i had no urge to dye my eyelashes yellow ,wear crazy mismatched clothes and call people 'dude' or 'babe'.. which is what young people do .. right?
living with a younger sister obviously did not help matters. particularly since her number one pastime is to constantly remind me how old i am and make crazy jokes about how she has the rest of her life before her whereas i apparently have one foot in the grave ( ah..the sweet joys of having a sibling..nothing beats it.)

however it all changed one sunny afternoon when i went into a shop full of soft toys..
now the shop in question is an adorably cute one full of rows and rows of im-so-sweet-ill-give-you-diabetes soft toys..
and as soon as i entered it.. i went into raptures and began giggling and cuddling the cute things..

all this while, an old lady was watching me..
soon , she came up to me and said
'" ah luv..it is so sweet to see a pretty young thing like yourself enjoying herself "
at this of course , i looked around with faint curiosity to see who the ' pretty young thing' was.. . and when i realised she meant me.. my jaw almost hit the floor ( yes..it does happen you know )

me ..a young thing ???a pretty young thing ?? what??? WHAT?
i felt like i had just won the lottery and married johnny depp .. all in one day! wow!!

so for the rest of the day i walked around on cloud nine... with a skip in my step and a sparkle in my eyes..
now this may sound weird to all of you
but fact is.. its been so long since anybody had complimented me or said anything vaguely positive and/or favorable about me that i had started feeling about as attractive as a rotten tomato.. (with a smell to match )
so even if anybody had told me that my left toenail was really cute.. i would have probably married them ..
this utterly unexpected comment was enough to make me hyperventilate and go into cardiac arrest..

of course, the poor old lady might have been blind or suffering from dementia but the whole point is - she gave me a compliment ..
think about it ..
a few simple words from an absolute stranger ( by which i mean i had not bribed or threatened her ) made my day.. ( possibly my decade considering the chances of such things happening to me again are as remote as me actually marrying johnny depp..and we all know that's not happening anytime soon..sigh..)

anyway what i realised was this:
1.i am not 75
2.i am young (mutually conclusive , you see)

and what i have to say is..
firstly , take the time out to compliment people..
don't make a habit of it beacuse then your compliments won't be worth much ..
but if you really mean it go on..make someone's day
remember " what goes around , comes around ".. think how good they'll feel and think about what a high you'll get ..
there's never a better time to make someone smile.

secondly , " never underestimate the power and beauty of your youth ".
being young is the most wonderful thing .. take advantage of it and do anything and everything to make the best out of it..
always remember .. no matter how old you are , there is always someone older than you..

and on that positive note , i shall go tell my sister that she looks like angelina jolie ..
( and then maybe i'll laugh in her face )
oh well..

my problem

dear people who visit my blog

i am very sorry to say.. i have achieved the inevitable!!
i have .. .. . . (sniff..sniff) .. writer's block.. (sniff..)
for the ignorant or just the insanely stupid
writer's block is a severe problem which causes one to write pointless articles and delete them in a fit of frustration..

for the past two days i have sat in front of the computer full of resolve and determination.. aiming to write award winning articles which will alter the course of the world and make me immortal .. or at least a millionaire ..
however as i start typing , i ralize to my great horror that the article i am typing is not likely to win even a lollipop much less an award..
it is as if my brain is bored and has decided to play hide and seek with me..it hides all my writing skills and sniggers gleefully while i cast around desperately trying to find them..

this realization causes my head to swim (its currently doing a breast stroke if you must know) , my eyes to water and my self esteem to drop below sea level right down to where the titanic currently rests . my self-esteem is currently hiding with a few eels in some deep dark underwater cave and has informed me that it has no plans of returning anytime soon..

however, determination and resolve have as yet to desert me.. so i sit myself down in front of the computer yet again and i promise myself that i will not let this problem defeat me.i will be one of the rare few who would have defeated this problem and one day somebody will construct my statue which will become a mecca for writers who would come and drape flowers over me and ask for my blessings..

inspired by this rosy vision and full of good will.. i type a few lines and to my horror realize that they are worse than my last attempt.. (oh no no no NO!! i had even decided which stone my staue would be built of )
of course, this sudden shock causes resolve and determination to desert me and go on a vacation to the caribbean
and i am left staring at the blank screen , pulling my hair and cursing shakespeare (don't ask me why.. )

my body has now officialy declared a state of emergency and i am in the throes of a severe panic attack..
i feel appalled at the loss of my writing skills which as you may have noticed , i had only discovered a few days back and which were very very precious to me.

i have a sudden vision of myself 10 years from now
wild eyed and bushy haired and in a purple nightgown .. clutching a bottle of vodka (obviously the trauma of losing my writing skills would have turned me into an alcoholic.. isn't that obvious? ) and muttering
" i can write you know..i can write" , i would then take a slug of vodka and start typing...
and produce the following article
"jack and jill went up the hill
and a cat followed them
jack and jill came tumbling down the hill
coz the cat pushed them"
i would then be thoroughly convinced that this article would definitely set the literary world on fire and proceed to publish it on my blog..
a few days later my blog would be closed down by the people who run the blog who would tell me that they cannot allow their innocent readers be exposed to such utter (i can hardly write this ..sob!) gibberish
this of course would push me over the edge and i would begin carrying a green bag with my purple nightgown and take to wandering the streets at night and crying in front of bookstores.

okay..now i have thoroughly scared myself..
i mean who carries a green bag with a purple nightgown????

so dear people who read my blog..
i have decided to take a few days off rid myself of this problem
and address the issues which need addressing namely:

1.why am i unable to write?
2.how long will it take me to overcome this problem?
3.what came first? the chicken or the egg ? (ok..this is just a bonus question..just in case i solve the other two and still have time)

so dear people who vist my blog
pray for my speedy recovery
adieu

time is inversely proportional to importance

ok that's it..
it's official now...set in stone and covered in plastic!
i am officially .. ...wait for it.. it's coming... DISPOSABLE!!
there..i've said it!!

this is something i've struggled with all my life and it seems to have increased ten-fold with each b'day... reaching mammoth proportions recently..therby forcing me to acknowledge its evil presence!
see, it goes like this ..
i am in a state of transition as of now... and no ..not the kind of state of transition lord buddha was in as he shifted gears from human to saint via enlightenment.
college has ended.. university has yet to start.. leaving me in a state of limbo juggling my tangled up emotions and combing my equally tangled up hair..

a weird and ironical twist or rather contortion of fate
i remember numerous times when i pleaded with God to take my life but give me more time..
God having the wondeful sense of humor that he does..
decided to confuse me by actually granting my wish
and tadaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
3 years too late.
i have time on my hands .. whereas now id rather have brad pitt on my hands ..

so basically i have nothing to do.
which leaves me in a precarious position.. available! !for anything and everything..
you name it and i'm there!

currently , my list of activities for the day would include
1.staring into space ala 'the great thinker' ( not!)
2.comparing the merits of red tomatoes to green peas ( yes, it is as useless as it sounds)
3.trying out all the pens around the house( whoooppee-dee-doooo)
4.counting the blades of grass in my garden ( fascinating procedure i tell u)
importance quotient: 0.00

if i was truly important i would
1.never sleep
2.never eat
3.communicate with acquaintances every leap year or so
4.have dark circles the size of the state of california
importance quotient:100.00

but oh no!! i actually get 8 hours of sleep ( i bet no one's ever heard of that!!)
eat 3 meals a day( sacrilege!!)
communicate with acquaintances every alternate minute( sob!)
have no dark circles or any other signs of busier than thou lifestyle..
i might as well just confess that my skin is actually glowing and end it all...sigh!


incidents which highlight my uselessnes and therby my non-importance:
incident 1:
so i recieve e-mails from my oh-im-so-busy-i-havent-slept-since-2001 pals ( sorry guys!) and of course, i reply promptly considering oh-im-so-useless-i-just-got-up-15mins-ago ..
and then i wait for the next mail..which will hopefully arrive sometime next april.
see..see..
the whole point of e-mails is that 1 is not supposed to check them everyday much less every 7 minutes..
1 is supposed to lead too-busy-to-scratch-my-ass lives and then one fine day open their mail to discover 'you have 20008967 new mails'..
(20008966 of which will be from me..)
such incidents highlight, emphasize and underline in flourescent highlighter , ones importance!

incident 2:
i have a profile page on a 'connecting people' website..
everybody's profile pages are blank simply coz they're too busy .. leaving others wondering what kind of secret and terribly fascinating lives they lead..
whereas my profile is as comprehensive as the oxford 'not-so-concise' dictionary..containing pics rite from the days when i ws an embryo to the days when ..well..i was not an embryo..

my profile is like a cluttered salvador dali painting which disgusts people on sight ..
and everybody else's : a piece of abstract art which people ooh and aah over and create romatic interpretations of..
observe the side-effects of an oh-im-so-useless-i-have-nothing-better-to-do-than-complete-my-profile life..

incident 3:
now..consider a situation whence one has to go out somewhere.
the accepted and indeed admired norm is that one should arrive at the door ready to step out of the house , as late as possible.
indeed..the later you are..the further it is a testament to your tight as a girdle and overflowing with importance schedule..
sigh..
and needless to say i am not late...
i am ready and waiting dot on the clock which, as we all by now know..is not the correct thing to do..
one is supposed to make other's wait ..not wait for others..duh!
so i hang around on the porch twiddling my thumbs (another one of my fascinating day-time activities) and contemplating whether it would be better to hang myself or jump into the lake..

so you see, how disposable i am...
! in fact, i can just about hear the box of tissues ( disposable ones!!!) sitting next to me and sniggering at my pathetic situation.

so i'll sign off now
i have to turn up for a 3 0'clock lunch at (gasp! gasp!) 3 o'clock !!

don't i have anything better to do? NO I DON'T!!

"it isn't enough that i should succeed, others should fail!"

came across this quote on the net..and it got me thinking (no mean feat i tell you)
you know, people are striving so hard to get somewhere,be somewhere..
there is so much pressure from all directions and mostly from inside ourselves..(and no!not the kind of pressure which requires a trip to the loo)
ambition has become a second name for all of us.
being ambitious is a great thing..but ambition has an evil sister known as jealousy
and you know what, nothing gives people more pleasure than seeing somebody else fail..

i've had some time off from my hopelessly hectic schedule.3 years of racing the clock in college and right now, i'm in a position where i don't even know what day it is much less what time it is.
it takes some getting used to. believe me, i've spent a few weeks fretting and worrying and wondering whether there isn't something else i should be doing.i'm restless and full of apprehensions..everybody seems to be doing so well for themselves...people are working 24/7 and relishing it.
all of it makes me feel left out,like the world has moved on without me and right now i have no part in it.and i hate it..i hate not being in the midst of it all..not 'furthering my career' so to say. i'm jealous of everybody in the world bar none..right from the milkman to the prime-minister. why?i don't know, maybe coz they're all in a position in their lives where they know what's happening around them.maybe coz they know what's going to happen next.. while i'm really clueless.

but you know what, i don't really care any more. or maybe i've just moved on.
i've had enough of harboring negative emotions. they affect no1 but me..right?
so what if i'm not doing what the rest of the world is doing.so what if i'm not following the path which everybody else is.
i'm sure i'll reach my destination just the same..maybe a year later..maybe ten years later.
i believe in myself and no matter what happens..i'm sure it will be for the best..
(okay..i sound like a representative for the church of england)
it's quite true you know, happiness comes from within us.the more comfortable we are with whatever situation we are in .. the more acceptable it seems.
my dad has been telling me this from the age of four..apparently,it took some time to sink in!

so really
enjoy whatever stage of life you are in..tomorrow might be a better day or a worse one.
"if its meant for you, it will not pass you by"
its up to us to make ourselves happy ..
and frankly i think eating a huge bag of doritos just about makes me as happy as i can be!
:)

the human pendulum

i have a sneaking suspicion that when God made her..He was probably suffering from severe constipation.He didn't know what emotions and feelings to give her..or maybe He was just too much in a rush to get to the loo..so He bundled up all of them and stuffed them inside her.
and left us to suffer the consequences.

she is a creature of mood swings (kindly note:not moods but mood swings)..a phenomenon causing her to be known as the human pendulum.

kindly observe the following symptoms:

she is a great conversationalist..adores talking to people and can jabber on and on for hours ; requiring the people she is talking to , to be rushed to the emergency room because an overlaod of information (mostly rubbish) has caused their brains to dissolve.
on some days of course , when the pendulum has swung to the other extreme..one is hard put to get a word out of her.in fact, we would be more successful in getting tony blair to spill the beans on what color his knickers are, rather than get her to tell us what time it is.

she is a fabulous dancer..one of the best i have seen. and she lives to perform.
of course, this very fact causes her to not dance in public.. i mean.. one has to force her to shake a leg even (literally). and if by mistake or some miraculous stroke of fate she manages to jiggle her hand too.. well, we almost collapse in shock..coz u see that is a rare occurence...

the gal has a very versatile mane of hair..changes according to her mood.
most of the days she turns up looking like she has been dragged backwards through a bush.
and then just when you start accepting this 'human which resembles a door-mat' as your friend..
she turms up groomed to movie-star perfection- her hair a glossy mane.. she makes angelina jolie look like the resident maid.and of course,makes us feel like we're bathroom mats..

i have to admit though - she has an eccentric and extensive wardrobe.
she has clothes which range from a size 18 to a size 6..and they're all for her.
so , on some days she wears clothes which make her look slightly better than a sack full of potatoes..
and the next week she turns up in a short short skirt ..which of course,needless to say causes all the guys to spend their entire day trying to look up it.

and of course.. guys!!
what can i say..
she has spent half her life making friends with guys, cracking jokes, spending time and basically making them fall in hopelessly in love with her..
and the rest half trying to avoid falling in love herself.

she enthusiastically agrees to sleepovers which involve watching ten movies,dancing to inane songs, chatting all night long and basically not sleeping at all.
and then she is the first one to fall asleep leaving us gritting our teeth in frustration.

so you see the predicament we, her friends are in?
being with her requires hours of careful planning and much poring over complex charts monitoring her moods..
trying to handle her is like trying to handle three 4 year old kids at once
i'm sure i would be better of being friends with a white shark..a very hungry one at that.

yet i don't give her up..why you ask?
here's why
coz having her around makes my life a little more interesting.. a little more exciting.
coz when she misses your birthday, she actually spends hours trying to make it up to you.
coz she's the first one to tell you that the guy you're lusting after is a prime loser.
coz she's so protective that she would personally bash up ne1 who hurts you if she could.
coz she listens intently when you ramble on about how unfair life is to you and how you have been victimised by one and all, and then offers you her quiet support.
coz she tells you all her problems and actually think you're smart enough to solve them.
coz she really loves you but will never tell you that.
coz lights up a room with her positive energy and cheer.
coz she's every1's friend and yet exclusively your pal.
coz she loves srk.

now i have no clue how she'll react when she reads this .so excuse me while i plot a graph and figure it out.

p.s.
kindly note the benefits of having a great best pal..
she leaves comments on my blog even when her pc at home isn't working...
of course, that may just be due to the fact that i have promised to do dire things to her if she doesn't.
but i like to believe that it is her love for me...
:)

the one

what attracts one to a member of the opposite sex?
is it the physical attributes? or the emotional connection? or just the fact that you have fun with so and so person? maybe you really really like their hairstyle and decide to spend the rest of your life with them??
how does one decide?
how do you know if you've found 'the one' or whether you ever will?

wouldn't it be really easy if one day, a person turns up in front of your house wearing a flashing neon sign which says 'I'M THE ONE'? you shriek, gasp and walk off into the sunset holding hands.

or if whenever you see 'the one' , suddenly there are red hearts ,pink flowers and a blue haze floating around said person? you blink,stare and then grasp the unsuspecting person in a bear hug simultaneously sobbing " i've found you! i've found you! ".

or what if once you've reached the age at which you are supposed to meet 'the one' , you get a letter which states :
"dear so-nd-so
happy birthday!
it is our privilege to inform you that your significant other (in other words 'the one' ) lives at so- nd-so address and we have arranged for you to meet him on so-nd-so date.
hope you enjoy the rest of your lives. together.
best wishes
the ministry of match-makers"
i mean..tell me..doesn't that sound so much easier??

ok..so we are left to fend for ourselves...which brings me back to my original question..what attracts one to a member of the opposite sex?
money?status?intelligence?looks?hands?feet?fingernails?hair follicles?what??

how does one decide to spend the rest of their lives with one (hopefully 'the one') person?
isn't variety the spice of life?
life without spice..really??

of course in today's world, the concept of 'the one' has undergone a few dratic changes.it has now become 'the two's/three's/four's' (tick as preferred)..
of course, in the case of more adventurous individuals the denominations can go up to 50 even..

you see a couple walking down the road hand in hand.. gazing at each other lovingly and sharing a milkshake..you smile benevolently thinking " isn't love wonderful? " and wipe your unshed tears.
the next day you see the same couple holding hands and walking down the road...with different people..!
hellooooo??whatever happened to happily ever after and walking into the sunset??

sometimes i feel it's just not fair..
where is the justice in a few people walking around with prospective ' the one's' practically dripping out of their pockets while a few are hard put to find even a half , much less a 'one'..

everybody should have somebody to love and somebody loving them back..who decides that only such and such people are allowed to find their 'ones' while the rest of us are left outside shivering in the cold and wondering what's wrong with us ..
" maybe my lipstick was the wrong color? ", " i knew i should have worn my pink jacket !"

of course, people say that you'll find ' the one ' eventually.. ..when??when??

when i'm 40 and too fat to wear sexy chiffon dresses and dance on the beach? when i'm 65 and too tired to walk hand in hand and of course, too selfish to share my milkshake? when i'm 85 and unable to indulge in a heady kiss for fear of my dentures falling out?

i'm sorry!
i demand justice!!!
i demand red hearts and pink bubbles and sprkling confetti and violins and angels !!
i demand equality for all! NO discrimination!

anyway, if anger and protest was the solution... i would have a queue of 'one's' lined outside my door.. yelling to be let in ..
but it's not.. faith and patience is..

or maybe just the right shade of lipgloss??

pretty lady.

one of my friends is 'pretty'.
pretty in the guys-fall-off-their-bikes-crash-into-poles-nearly-kill-themselves-just-ogling-at-her way.
so...she is really pretty.
SO???

so we thought well okay she's pretty..so what??beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and obviously somebody else will think we're pretty and and she's just average-looking..?right?
we have as yet to find a single human being (or animal for that matter) who agrees with us.

so we thought.. come on!..a girl that pretty can't have too much in the brains department ,can she??i mean who ever heard of a beauty with brains ?? right??right??
she turned out to be nearly the best at everything..beating us and leaving us seething in rage.

so.. we thought.. well, she obviously is a bitch, treating people less perfect than her with disdain and disregard?right??WRONG!
she is sweet,kind,generous,caring and is probably next in line to be UN goodwill ambassador..

so..we thought.. well obviously since she's so pretty, i bet she doesn't have a scrap of talent and is as boring as a mop..
she plays the guitar,sings like an angel and dances with fiery enthusiasm..just watching her make my feet itch to join her.

so..we thought.. obviously guys don't go for perfection..they are just in awe of her..ultimately they'll turn to us,woo us,marry us and we'll live happily ever after?right??
the cutest guy in the batch is her boyfriend; the rest of the guys rather hang themselves than contemplate a life without her (or with us)

so..we thought..obviously she's not gonna be a good friend..i mean.. who can bear to be friends with little miss perfect?
I can ..
coz she has this unique knack of making you feel like you're the most intersting person in the world.
coz she gives you treats for the silliest of reasons, just to see you happy.
coz she knows how to have fun and makes you enjoy life to the fullest.
coz she sings for you when you're sad and wipes your tears
coz she writes silly notes for you so that you're always smiling
coz she eats like a hog just to make you realize you're not the only one with an eating addiction.
coz she's so helpful and sweet, she makes you not miss your mom.
coz she was my 'housie' for two and a half years and i miss her.

so..?
so...she'll probably be a rotten grandma..right?

the life (really?) of a design student

MUST:

- come up with revolutionary 'will-transform-the-world-and-win-nobel-prize' designs at the drop of a hat
- dress creatively and imaginatively all the time as if going to accept oscar (even though have not slept in 2 years)...yet after all, image is everything..?
- promise not to slit our wrists when the assignment we have slaved over and not eaten food for three days for, is given as much respect as an article showcasing the mating habits of earthworms.
- sleep at 4 a.m.
- get up at 4:30 a.m
- ask God to increase the number of hours in a day from 24 to 240..
- remember to contact friends and relatives outside of college even though they have given us up for dead 6 months ago
- know how to interact and subsequently charm every single person in the fashion industry..right from the farmer who picks the cotton crop in the fields of ludhiana to the sales clerk who hangs the cotton shirt on a rack in the disply of a high-end store in mumbai.
- be able to stitch better than any tailor
- be able to think deeper than socrates
- be able to draw better than da vinci
- never take holidays or sundays or even sleep for that matter
- ignore the few stray greys in our 21 year old mane of hair
- remember that computer is NOT, i repeat NOT the 'person' we're supposed to spend our lives with
- remember photoshop is a software, not God
- remember we are humans..not androids despite whatever the faculty says
- remember sewing machine is machine..not boyfriend..thus must not spend whole day (and night?) with it
- look up the word 'boyfriend' in dictionary
- look up the meaning of the word 'life' in dictionary..i'm quite sure i've heard it somewhere

so?

me versus she

there are 2 kinds of people in this world
1.she
2.the rest of the world

while the rest of us are behaving like maniacs and giggling over the fact that there are 7days in a week/she is using a ruler to check whether her tees are folded in exactly the correct proportion to her jeans..
while the rest of us are eating our food in a manner only slightly better than gorrilas/she will be using a fork and knife to eat 2 minute noodles with a napkin on her lap
while the rest of us are wearing yellow tees with purple pants coz we were to lazy to open our eyes in the morning to check what we were wearing/she will be coordinating her outfit right down to the 2 sequins on the left hand side of her right slip-on
while the rest of us have last combed our hair in 1994/she has shampooed,conditioned,combed and brushed her hair to superstar perfection and god-forbid if even a single one dares move.
while the rest of us are wondering whether it would be easier to just throw ourselves in front of a car rather than finish our assignment which has to be submitted 2mrw and which we haven't touched/she will be putting the finishing touches to her assignment which she finished 5 years ago.
while the rest of us dance as if we were tribals forced to dance on hot coals/she dances with precision after having made a graph mapping her dance moves with the relevant beats.

but..

her quiet strength and soft resilience has often been the grounding in our as-stable-as-the-titanic world
her sillier-than-thou names for us keep us in splits of laughter and bring us back from the darkest of places
her innate ability to go nuts at the stroke of 12 and be part of our daily entertainment is an occassion to look forward to.
she keeps quiet when she sees us behaving like total idiots and never says'i told you so' when we fall flat on our faces.
she accompanies you to any movie..even if it has z-grade actor, a y-grade actress and songs composed by monkeys
when everybody else has mood swings and periodically turn into dont-talk-to-me-or-ill-kill-you lunatics/she remains as stable as the empire state building

who is she?
she is my friend..my roommate for my last year in college,the girl who mails me regularly without me having to send al-qaeda lunatics to force her at knife-point,the only girl to call me mimi in an endearingly sweet voice and repeat it as many times as i ask her to..
love you..

inspiration?

do you know what the best thing about writing is?
now..by writing i mean writing..get it???
ok..that really wasn't very clear..i mean writing as in writing a book,writing a diary,writing a blog... . get it now??figured..

so the best thing about writing is that as soon as you start doing mentioned activity.. everything ..everything..seems worth writing about.. one has an opinion on everything..a few random thoughts ,a knowledge so vast and so important that it just has to be shared with the rest of humanity.. otherwise.. george bush will start wearing a tutu(and believe me..nobody wants to see that!!)

..now..just yesterday..i was strolling down a side street on my way to the co-op to buy milk..it was a sunny afternoon..birds chirping,gentle breeze,flowers swaying and the rest of the world doing whatever they are supposed to do on a sunny afternoon...when suddenly, with no warning whatsoever..inspiration struck me bang on the head and made me gasp, stagger and look around wildly...
inspiration chuckled gleefully..impressed with its ability to reduce a mortal to the level of a spider with 3 legs..blubbering and blundering

it mocked me..hello??what do you think you are doing??have you not noticed the dead gnat lying on the side-walk?don't you think that it is material worth its weight in gold for you to write a nobel-prize-winning-people-gasping-with-awe article?
look!..that car just honked..oh my god!!take out your notebook and start writing you nincompoop..somebody has to keep the rest of the ignorant human race informed..
gasp!!the clouds have blotted out the sun!the old lady is picking her nose!the leaves are green!people can walk?!!when did that happen??

the possibilties which inspiration pointed out to me made me choke with my own stupidity..i mean one has to be really thick to not notice the fact that the sun is visible only during the day and the stars at night is worth writing a 1500 page article on..
i am suddenly teary-eyed thinking about the opportunities i have missed..suddenly everything that has ever gone wrong in my life is down to this..
no wonder i got only 4 out of 10 in that chem test in standard 8..if only i had noticed that people 'drink' tea and 'sip' soft drinks..
i am filled with resolution..i wipe my tears,square my shoulders and march home purposefully..to write an article on the dead gnat...its death shall not go in vain..not if I have a say in it!!

my candle in the wind

It is time now that i should introduce you(i.e.the very few people who will visit my blog) to some of the main characters in my life..
Now..this is a complicated procedure requiring much activity of grey cells,staring into the distance,steady decrement of nails,crumpled sheets of paper on the floor and making extremely messed up graphs and pie charts ....hence..it is only fair that I should not make matters worse by over-stressing myself and should thus perform the introductions slowly ,surely and one by one..

So..lemme introduce you to my best pal..now we have been best pals (buddies,friends,mates) ever since dinosaurs roamed the earth..cavemen discovered they could walk on 2 limbs and jim carrey decided he had a sense of humor..
we have grown up together..and know things about each other which we'd rather not know..in fact nobody should know..
when i have cried she has let me..at the same time patting my hair; when i have failed she has let me..(why??WHY?)simultaneously telling me i'll do better; when i have thrown tantrums..she has watched quietly waiting for me to calm down so she could make some tea for me; when i have succeeded she has cheered harder than anybody..telling me confidently that i'll be the world's best designer (thank god she has never actually seen my designs!!)

in fact if i could..i would nominate her for the Nobel prize for "sustaining sanity" .. because i am not an easy person to be with..and in my most terrible moments i am no better off than hitler on crack..
there have been times when our prospects on the guy front seem as bright as osama bin laden winning the miss venezuela pageant..So we have promised each other not to worry..we shall be rich nd highly successful entrepreneurs ,buy a sweet cottage in switzerland and live happily forever..
when our professional lives have been as stable as somalia's economy..we have assured ourselves that we will find rich (and apparently blind) multi-millionaires who will marry us and then cooperatively die..thus leaving us to gleefully roll in money...we are each other's personal cheerleding squads..any signs of our spirits dipping any lower than sea level and we're on red alert..cheering,comforting and promising the world...
we fight like cats and dogs..and have cold wars strong enough to freeze california.. and yet we gravitate towards each other like opposite poles
i cannot describe the incredible relief of knowing that there is at least one person in this world who despite knowing all about me doesn't want to jump off a cliff screaming insanely rather than live in close proximity with me...(i don't count my parents because they ,poor things, cannot do anything about it)
..the relief in knowing that even if i bomb america,shoot aishwarya rai,bloat to 201 kgs and still insist on wearing tank tops,she will still love me...(note:i have yet to try all of the above-mentioned but i still have faith )
anybody lucky enough to have a best buddy can identify with this awe-inspiring feeling..

this post is dedicated to her..my friend,my gal,my family outside my family,my candle in the wind ..
CHEERS!

hmmmm..

hmmmm...??

hmmm..i wonder if my first post calls for some sort of fanfare..a lttle blowing of trumpets..a few colored confetti pieces swaying in the wind..a few claps..a few jeers...??? no?? ..u really mean there's nothing remotely festive about this occassion..no chance of it being marked in the calender as a national holiday??NO?? no chance of children thanking me in years to come for having taken the time to write this and thus spare them 1 more day of school.. no??nothing at all??..other than the steadily blinking cursor to accompany me on this momentous occassion??i mean really..

hmmmm...i wonder if there's a book entitled 'The most important days of the year which everybody ignored but which later proved to be very very important'..?? if there is..im sure this day will be on chapter 1 page 1 of afore-mentioned book..huh..

hmmmmm..maybe i'll write the above mentioned book..now there's a thought..!!

hmmmm..i wonder what i should name my first post..it needs to be worthy of being on page 1 chapter 1 of the above mentioned book..which i assure you..will win the booker prize and which children 20 years from now will be reading(and loathing) as important text-books..
hmmmm...i wonder if anybody has noticed as yet that i am slightly hyper-reactive??not hyperactive..kindly note..hyper-reactive ...reactive being the key word..and the most important one at that..

hmmmmm..i wonder if i've written enough for my first post??