'my phirang life'

humans are forever leading their lives based on misconceptions or pre-concieved notions!

my parents have recently shifted base from india to uk..
cue: people gasp , eye me enviously and have visions of me strutting around in manolos ,drinking cosmos at some posh pub surrounded by cute brits who are apparently floored by my stunning never-seen-before looks!
reality:sitting at home (on the floor no less) wearing fluffly slippers (with a dancing frog on them) and sipping water while my sister tries to steal my glitter pens..at the same time commenting on how the huge zit on my nose makes me look like the evil witch of the west..

1.the british accent
try stuffing a few carrots up your nose ,filling your mouth with mashed potatoes and then talking..really, its a remarkable impression of this accent..
and i DON'T understand it!
shopguy:hiya,nice day innit?
me:eh...
shopguy(scanning in my buys):thats a load of stuff..havin a party mate?
me(looking around frantically):erm..
shopguy(lookin at me suspiciously):that'll be £24.75 ..card or cash?
me(wishing i was being eaten by a tiger):ah..
shopguy(deciding im on the run from an asylum):okay..so here's your change..cheers mate!
me(deciding i mite as well go hang myself now):um..
(side note:the above is based on what i assume the shop guy must have said..of course he might as well have been speaking swahili)

2.the over the top polite people
apparently one must actually greet people one meets on the street. its all the rage! people go about nodding to each other qand trading friendly smiles. the first time it happened to me, i sqwaked and ran home petrified. who knows what that 89 year old lady's intentions wight have been?
ive spent 21 years of my life mastering the art of ignoring people /giving them evil glares/plotting their murders.. all in the course of a day.
who ever heard of being nice to others??

3.the as smooth as tom cruise traffic
being able to drive without people trying to run you down is a very daunting experience indeed. and no fun, might i add! i never knew traffic lights actually had a purpose..i really assumed they were for decoration.. you know to entertain the drivers...er..
in a normal world , a trip to the market in the car would involve running down any pedestrians, squashing a few dogs and swerving around the various other vehicles whose sole mission in life is to reduce you to pulp.

4.the solitude
now undoubtedly,anyone who has lived in india all their lives has yet to encounter silence.
over here, though, its really really quiet..i spend most mornings fretting over whether i've gone deaf or have some severe aural disease. honestly, what's wrong with these people?

5.the laaaydeeez
apparently there is some kind of a rule here that if one goes out ( even next door) one has to dress better than gwyneth paltrow on the red carpet.and also, sneakers have not as yet been discovered i n this part of the world..oh no..5 inches or more..otherwise you're a social outcast. as i have discovered the hard way.


so this is all for now.. i will come back!
p.s. in no way is this to be misconstrued as a sign of degradation of India. it is just a few random observations.
you can take the girl out of india, you can't take India out of the girl!