up and down

change change change.. life is strange.... i hate change..

no...contrary to what it might seem like, this isn't a pathetic attempt to turn into a poet. just stating a fact of my life. I don't think I've ever hated anything so much, with so much passion, with so much vengeance as i hate change.

and of course, i'm a closet change hater.. because if there's anything I hate more than change is the advice i get when I tell people I hate change..
anyway.. i bloody well can't do anything about it, can i? Of course, I have to accept it.. like i have an option! so i just get on with my life and work and devote all my free time to making silly rhymes about my ongoing hate affair with change. who knows, somebody might actually publish them one day.

anyway, it's just that today I recieved a lot of news from a lot of quarters.. good news and not so good news.
the good news, definitely life changing, in fact, my life officially changed as of 7 a.m this morning. in a positive way of course. and yet ..and yet.. it was like i couldn't give myself fully to the joy of celebrating simply because all I could think of was how another thing in my life has changed.

in fact, i was just lecturing my dad yesterday about how I will do everything in my power to make sure I don't change. corny stuff i know and i knew it was just me trying to convince myself that i have some sort of control over the whirlwind that is my life. but I meant every word I said.
Sure,I know everyone is going to change.. in fact i can see it happening right before my eyes.. but i swear I'm not going down without a fight.

I treasure each and everyone of my relationships and anybody who knows me also knows that I'm the most fiercely loyal person to the point of obsessiveness. I'm a simple person with simple needs - I don't play games , if you're my friend, you give me 100% and I'll give you 200% .
People need to work on their relationships..i don't know why they don't realise that.

Anyway, I'm just writing rubbish.. as usual, I've been thinking too much.
I've learnt to live with the voices in my head.. as i'm sure many mental patients do. This year has been tough, I've had to deal with a lot of stuff on my own for the very first time. I never thought I was strong enough to deal with it all, but who knew? I've surprised even myself.

Ok now this post may sound depressing, but it's actually written in a very positive spirit. This year I've learnt a lot about myself and the people around me. Some people have lost my trust forever and some have endeared themselves to me in ways I can never express.
I can forgive people easily but I never do forget.
And through it all, I know I'm stronger in more ways.
And I hate change.

And now I end with a joke, the only joke I've learnt this year. I never can remember jokes..ever! It's pathetic and amazing and incredibly stupid .. I'm the same with directions. I can get lost in my own home, I swear!
Anyway, here's the joke..

Q. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
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A. A cloud!


;)