the art of cribbing

life is so funny. it's just downright hilarious. just as soon as you think you've gottn hold of the way things should be going and are resting your tired aching body on a soft, cushy chair sipping a refreshing drink, you realise that the chair is actually a cactus and the drink in your hand a healthy dose of grass juice (although if you're a cow, that really shouldn't matter).

oh well, don't mind me, i just love cribbing. it's so healthy, so liberating, so so relaxing and such a privelege.

you know, i hate swear words. well, actually no, i don't hate them, it's just that i don't seem to have the flair ,if you will, of saying them convincingly.but sour grapes not withstanding, i just don't approve of them and i really fail to understand how people can pepper, no wait smother their conversations with a swear after every vowel (or so it seems). but, of course, it's always fun when i'm in a rage and write nasty e-mails full of swear words. of course, the recepients are left slightly shell shocked with a terribly tarnished view of the so-far rosy world and my next mail is often a 'im so sorry, my comp was hijacked by the convicts next door and i swear they wrote my mail' type e-mail. like i said, swears cause more trouble than they're worth.

have any of you tried messaging the radio jockeys so you can hear them read your message out on air? normally, i just scoff at people who are useless enough to spend 2 mins of their life texting and the next 4 hours hanging onto the rj's words. sadly, that was when i used to have a life. now that i effectively have NO life, i've turned into one of those creepy people who do just that. the high point of my day is hearing my name being spoken by a RJ whom I don't know and never will and who is probably a pot bellied guy with warts. seriously, have I mentioned how cool my life is?

i feel i'm a really selfish person. how about you guys?are you all selfish too?? i also feel i'm rather materialistic. after all, like some famous ( and profoundly wise) person once said, ' what's the use of happiness? it can't buy you money'. My sentiments exactly!

right, i've cribbed now and i feel great.
hmmm.. i love marian keyes. i know most people would read her books and go 'ooooo it's so chick lit' , but honestly, the lady has the most engaging style of writing i have encountered in a long time. i just read her most recent newletter. absolutely quaint.

well, i won't be around for some time now. so the next post will be after sometime. hopefully, i should be back with my imagination a bit rejuvenated coz honestly, this post is severly uninspired.
please feel free to crib in the meantime.

life goes on

i sit at the bus stop and watch.
i watch people walk by. i watch cars zip across and buses rumble past.

i watch two girls walking by hand in hand giggling and swinging their similar bags. i wonder whether they bought the bags together.i watch as the shorter girl stumbles and the other one reaches out to support her. i watch as they grin and link hands again. i wonder how long they've known each other. i wonder if they live together or with their families. i wonder whether they'll still support each other five years from now.

i watch a bunch of guys walk past. i wonder if the tall cute one has a girlfriend. i wonder if he knows the sunlight makes his eyes look almost transluscent . i look at the thin blond one and wonder whether he's as intelligent as he looks? i watch as he walks with a slight limp and wonder if he's been in an accident. i watch as they walk to the end of the road and separate. i wonder whether they'll meet up later.

i watch as tall girl walks up and sits next to me. i watch as she fidgets around for a while and then suddenly gets up and rushes across the street to a small shop, as a passing car swerves to avoid her. i watch her emerge from the shop a moment later and cross the street again. this time the passing cars erupt in a cacophony of horns. she sits next to me and lights up a cigarette from her new pack and sucks vigorously at it. i wonder if there is a reason why she doesn't value her life more.

i get on the bus and the driver smiles at me and cracks a joke. i watch as he greets everyone with a smile and a joke. i watch as everyone gets on the bus with a smile and gets off with a smile too. i wonder whether the driver has had some good news today or whether he's usually like this. i wonder if he has a daughter and if he's as jovial with his family. did he always want to be a bus driver? what does he do when he gets back home? i visualise him returning home and cuddling his young girl.

i watch as two young girls in school uniforms get on the bus and sit in they front seat. i watch as they share the remains of their lunchboxes while chatting about how the test today wasn't as difficult as they expected. i watch as one girl swings her long plait. i wonder whether she'll still have the same long hair when she's twenty-five. i wonder if she knows which college she's going to go to. does she like dogs? does she have a brother whom she hates?

i get off at my stop and start walking the short distance home. i watch as my shoelace comes undone and wonder if i'll trip and tumble into the bushes. i don't feel so good today. i wonder whether i'll feel better tomorrow?

i wonder at all i've seen today. i wonder what made me take a back seat today and just observe and watch and wonder. i wonder why i feel satiated and a bit light-headed.
i wonder at the number of times i've used 'wonder' in this post.
i wonder at the wonder of life .

DISCLAIMER : i would ignore this post if i were you.

P.S. now that i've said that, you'll do everything but ignore it right?

i'm in a weird mood. not sad,not depressed,not angry,not frustrated.
it's like i'm kind of detached . an oasis of stillness in the craziness that is my life.
sometimes when i'm in these undefinable moods, i wonder what i want, what i need right in that moment.
and what i need right now is to talk. and somebody to listen.
( again, I am NOT depressed/sad.)
just sometimes, one needs to talk if only to figure out the meaning of current situations, if only to convince oneself that the things we're stressing about aren't worth stressing about at all.
sometimes i need somebody to just listen to me, to not judge me, to not give me advice, but to just hold my hand and nod at the appropriate places.
just listen.
to me that's therapy.

what i would love right now is for somebody to surprise me.. jump out of the bushes and shock me. somebody i haven't met for ages.. somebody i would love to meet, if only for a day.
what i would love right now, is to say ' i'm really craving for chocolate ice-cream drenched in hot chocolate!' and for somebody to jump right up and take me to the nearest icecream place.

i think all of us are incredibly brave.. taking life as it comes. handling every upset, containing every disappointment, juggling this crazy ball known as life.
sometimes, what we need is to be pampered. . to be loved, cajoled, praised and smiled at.
what we need is to made to feel special, like the world would be an emptier place without us.
a moment of pure, unadulterated love.

i guess all of us feel like this sometime or the other don't we? (oh God, please don't let it be just me)
so sometimes it's worth making that extra effort for someone you love. love is a beautiful emotion and one of the only ones which has no boundary.
so make someone feel special. you never know, they might be having an undefinable mood day just like me.

hmm..i feel slightly less detached after writing this post. why? i have no idea
i have a bit of a headache. why? because i've used my brain too much today. no really, i had to actually pay attention to TV today.
i'm wearing a huge grey sweater. why? because otherwise i would be shivering too much and wouldn't be able to type this and also coz i couldn't find the red one.
my specs are sliding off my nose. why? i think it's coz the screws are a bit loose or possibly, my head's shrunk a size or two.
i want to listen to music but i can't. why? because i'm too lazy to get up and switch on the stereo.and my sister won't do it unless i pay her.

why am i telling you all this? because currently nobody is interestd in listening to me going on like this, not that they ever were anyway.
this post is absolute rubbish and i'm still writing it. why? coz nobody is pampering me so i'm pampering myself (and torturing you in the process).
ok, i'm going to stop now.
stopping
stopping
stopped.

banging my head against a blank wall

yes..that is exactly what i'm doing right now!
exactly what i've been doing for the past 2-3 days.
banging my head against a blank wall..
believe me, this is not what i intend to do when i get up every morning ( i know i don't have a life, but i do have better things to do than that,you know..er...or maybe not..)
it's almost midnight and i'm on the computer trying to come to grips with my research topic. i'm trying to think 'horizontally' and not 'vertically'. . (go figure!)
so basically i'm surfing the web trying to figure out exactly what i'm trying to figure out by doing this course.
yes. late at night is when all the doubts in the world come knocking on your door and try to break your spirit and make you lose control and tear your hair out in frustration and ground your teeth to bits! !

it's been a long time since i stayed up late at night to work. and i'd forgotten how much i used to enjoy it.
dim lights, the radio in the background, and me at my desk with the computer and notebook. one of the few times when i'm at peace with myself (other than the hair tearing bit,of course)
and as of now,i'm reminded of the many late nights i used to be up and working in college.
i won't mention the gory details but what i used to love the most were the breaks.
all of us used to be bent over our work, concentrating really hard when suddenly one or the other of us would get up and announce a break prompting much grinning and throwing down of pencils and rubbing of eyes.
then there would be heated discussion regarding whether we should have tea or coffee. after which there would a heated debate about who exactly would make the tea/coffee.
as the reluctant loser stepped into the kitchen, there would be a dismayed yell of 'there's no milk/sugar/coffee/tea powder!'. this would be the cue for the rest of us to stomp into the kitchen and open every container and boz in sight hoping to find a stray sugar sachet or random tea bag . this would also be the portion for any minor scuffles along the lines of pulling off of hair bands, tickling,stealing of specs. this would usually end in one or the other of us being chased and pummelled unmercifully as we begged for mercy.
after the hubbub had died down, and the tea had been somehow concoted(with zero sugar and even lesser tea powder..really,it was mostly just brown hot water) , we used to sit on one of the beds and chatter our problems away.
two in the morning, a bunch of girls holding cups of tea in their hands and yapping and giggling like there was no other problem in the world.
i swear, it was the best tea i ever tasted.
the sessions usually used to be terminated as and when one of us would cast a lazy eye at our watches and almost have a spasm at the realization that the fifteen minute break had morphed into an hour's vacation!

sometimes there were unplanned breaks. while all of us were working on our comps and listening to music, one or the other of us would put on a jazzy song and this would result in all of us scraping back our chairs and collecting in the hallway for a mini groove session involving much dramatisation and overacting. and God help us if the next song on the play list would be groovy as well.. there would be no more work that night!

other times,late at night, we would hear the couple-next-door quarrelling loudly which would prompt immediate abandonment of our work and a mad rush to the closest window where we would stand with our ears pressed against the bars straining to hear the gory details. after the voices had died down,we would settle in for a cozy dissection of the couple-next-door's marital life that would involve much speculation and fabrication of reasons for afore mentioned quarrel. this would mostly end with all of us giggling uncontrollably at the insane procurement of ideas and visions.

sometimes ,a break would involve a trip to the terrace. this is undoubtedly the fondest of my memories. late night, we would wrap up warmly nd climb the stairs upto the terrace. here we would spend some time gazing quietly at the silent neighboring houses and the brightly lit facade of our college. this was the time for quiet confessions, secret crushes, facing of niggling poblems and doubts.
at that time, standing gazing around us, we could see our future ahead of us.for those magical moments we were controlling our destinies, life was simple, we were content and secure and loved.

i loved those late night breaks.
after those breaks, work never seemed half as daunting, problems not half as worrying. it was if we had been rejuvenated and refreshed.
i don't know whether i'll have those late night breaks ever again. however, i am insanely greatful for those times and will always hold them close to my heart.

as of now.. i better get back to what i was doing.
what was it?
oh yeah..banging my head against a blank wall!

days known as birthdays

aren't birthdays just wonderful?
i don't know about the rest of you, but personally i find them just downright delightful.

they make you want to smile, they make you want to dance and to walk down the road with a handful of flowers and a heart full of love.
cards,smiles,hugs and wishes.. they just make you feel like you're the luckiest one alive to have so many lovely people around you. even wishes from perfect strangers make you glow.
i guess the magic of birthdays is that they sharpen the colors around you.. all this while the world is in shades of black..white or grey and today it's like a bouquet of fresh spring flowers -vibrant,alive and invigorating.

a birthday is a reason to celebrate you ..your uniqueness, your individuality, your thoughts, your dreams, you.
a reason to appreciate the love around you.
a reason to feel proud of all the good things you've ever done.
a reason to pat yourself on the back.
a reason to give yourself a break.
a reason to celebrate.

and no, today isn't my birthday. but it is the birthday of someone i love very very much.
someone who loves me very very much
no day better than today to tell you how special you are.
and how much of a difference you make to my life.
this post is dedicated to you.

i hope you buy a lottery ticket and win the jackpot.
i hope you find a box on your doorstep full of chocolates.
i hope you step out into the sunshine and feel that everything is just perfect.
i hope you smile a lot simply because you can.
i hope you wear a bouncy frock and twirl till you're dizzy.
i hope you open the door and find me standing outside.. now wouldn't that just be the perfect gift?? ahem :)
i hope everything you hope for is granted to you.

have an awesome day:)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!